i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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