is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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