Jerry, you need to find god
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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