god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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