my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
