I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
