seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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