if you like me you must not know who I am
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
