It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
