Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
