Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
