if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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