I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
