i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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