K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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