i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
