You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
