i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
