Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
