I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
