They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
