Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize