Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
