Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize