Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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