I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
