I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is Oprah even human
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
