we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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