OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
