i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
