I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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