The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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