So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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