I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
