Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
