if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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