There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
