We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
