I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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