Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
