all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize