had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
