I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
barbara walters just said penis...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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