He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
