my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
