We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
