I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
