Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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