So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
