just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
