omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
