sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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