Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
