youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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