So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
