R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
