Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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