Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize