I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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