i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
