she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
