Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Drake has all the answers
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
