Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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