Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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