that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
