I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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