so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
