i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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