She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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