Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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