i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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