We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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