My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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