can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
