well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
