I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
