Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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