I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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