hotel room ftw
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
