I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
