Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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