he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had sex on a roof
Randomize
