I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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