My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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