I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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